Just a Theory

Viagra jokes are easy. And when you’re in your upper middle age there’s an element of whistling past the graveyard when you repeat them or come up with your own.

If your friends are also in the middle-age or better category there’s a fairly good risk of you pissing them off because you cut too close to the bone (okay that was a bad choice of words) or you run the risk of getting more information about your friend than you ever, ever, ever wanted.

But we are nothing here if not intrepid and we already said the jokes are easy so let me ask you this. If you hadn’t been able to get the soldier to stand at attention for a looonnnggg time would you call the doctor because of an erection that lasted 4 hours? Damn right you wouldn’t. You’d be saying things like, “Honey, I can’t find a hanger so I’ll just hang your coat here until you can get the closet organized.”

By the way, the commercial with the couple playfully getting in the mood, until they’re delayed by a suddenly spraying water faucet is a subtle touch isn’t it? Yeah, plumbing problems being solved. Nice analogy. I get it. Actually I think that’s a Cialis commercial, they’re the ones who make a big deal that you’ve got up to 36 hours to…wait, I guess. One of those spots has a daughter unexpectedly returning from school (presumably college) just as there’s progress being made. Have you ever heard of anyone’s college age daughter:

A)-returning home unexpectedly?

Or B)-being around the house for more than 5 minutes whether the return was expected or not.

Me either.

There’s another one of these ads where the couple in question seems to be at a cocktail party. Maybe they’re hosting the party, it’s not clear but who would take a pill like that and then go to a party? And don’t they warn against taking them with alcohol? But neither of those is my real concern for this one. What I’m worried about is the woman. She looks like she’s about ready to do the guy on the coffee table, the floor, the kitchen counter, with people watching…you name it. I think she’s really COUNTING on it lasting for four hours or maybe she took the pill herself.

And how many times have you seen the commercials where the man and the woman are each sitting in their own bathtub, outdoors, apparently staring at the sunset? Ever wondered what that was about?

I think I finally came up (I keep doing that!) with the answer. Ice. Yes, ice. They’ve got so excited, so active, that they overindulged and now they really need to cool down. Well that’s my theory anyway.