A Time to Heal

It could easily be argued that I watch too much baseball on TV. Not successfully, but you could make a case. What with the Red Sox on almost every day, ESPN game coverage, Baseball tonight, and now MLB TV, I can finally get almost all the baseball I want to see. This has helped me to appreciate the competence of the people who provide Red Sox Nation with the coverage we get for 162 games every year plus, we hope, the post-season.

Baseball is tough to broadcast because it’s pretty much a seven day a week endeavor. Let’s face it, there aren’t that many people we want to spend 3 hours or more with every day. There is our spouse, maybe whomever we begat and perhaps one or two others, and that’s probably it. That may even be an overestimate for some.

The point is, three hours or so every day with the same person would get difficult. The fact that the Red Sox radio and TV broadcasters Joe Castiglione, Dave O’Brien, Dale Arnold, Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy are agreeable company is quite remarkable and, from what I’ve heard of the teams in the rest of North America, extremely unusual.

The New York Yankees’ John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman, and the Chicago White Sox’ Ken Harrelson are so bad I feel embarrassed for their families. How would you like to explain somebody in your household coming up with a phrase like, “It’s an A-bomb, from A-Rod?” Suffice it to say that if that were the best I could do I would deserve, and fully expect, to be denied by all who know me.

So here in New England we are quite fortunate with our broadcasters and we’ll be even more so when Jerry Remy is back in the booth. And props to Don Orsillo for doing so well with NESN’s analyst of the day. It can’t be easy constantly shifting gears to work with a new partner but Orsillo has done it with grace and poise to this point. But there is room for Don to improve his performance, and who better to tell him than a grumpy guy from New Hampshire?

1-If you have to give the pitch count can you promise to only do it once per game per pitcher? Only John Farrell, the Red Sox pitching coach, needs to know this number and I’m not sure we wouldn’t be better off if he didn’t know it either. He’s keeping track of it himself anyway.

2-Lose the stopwatch. No pitcher in the world is going to complain that the Red Sox spent 22 minutes at bat scoring five runs for him. These are all young healthy men. They can sit for 22 minutes and still function afterward. The guys who can’t do that are the pitching coaches with the little clicker in their left hand keeping track of the number of pitches their pitcher has thrown.

3-I know you graduated from Northeastern University, Don, but when did Yoda become an instructor there? “And diving for the ball is Lowell!” I don’t think the Force is With You when you say that.

4-Repeat after me, “every day.” This one’s not your fault. It’s rampant in a culture that will “utilize” what it could simply “use” because “utilize” is a polysyllabic and people think that it makes them sound smarter. The same goes for “on a daily basis.” This is a phrase that means every day, so you can just say, “every day,” and the world will know what you mean. Or maybe you drive from Boston to Providence by way of Hartford.

5-Don, just because they put a statistic in front of you doesn’t mean you have to read it aloud. I know baseball is full of stats and some of them can actually be meaningful to real fans and students of the game. The time you told me that “Rheal Cormier is the 13th winningest left-handed reliever in Philadelphia Phillies history,” went over the edge. With the possible exception of Rheal’s mother, who the hell cares? I swear that if someone handed you a sheet that said, “Rheal Cormier is the 13th left hander in Phillies history to get a vasectomy,” you’d read it.

6-“…he looks to first and to third, but doesn't throw to either venue/destination." Venue, Don? Destination, Don? You’re “utilizing” again when you could just “use.” You could end the sentence at “either.” You’re a pretty natural guy, Don. Using these phrases has become has become a habit, a crutch, one you do without.

While I’m forever grateful that we are spared the incessant inanities of, say John Sterling, or the sycophantic homerism of Ken Harrelson, I think Don could be better if he would just have faith that he can walk without his crutches.

And that’s what we’re here for brothers and sisters.

For Don Orsillo has been stricken with a disease that tears at his ability to talk without using his crutches. But you can do it, Don! You can rise up to your full potential and get through an entire broadcast without using your crutches. And then, with faith, you can get through an entire home stand without your crutches! And eventually if your faith, and creativity… lets just go with faith, is strong enough you may make it through a whole season without your crutches.

You can do it, Don! You can take that first step and be free of your crutches forever!