A Fairpoint Thanksgiving

It’s a little early to be talking about Thanksgiving I know but if you live in Massachusetts, Connecticut or Rhode Island I would like to suggest something for which you should give thanks every day. Because if you lived in Maine, New Hampshire or Vermont your phone and internet service could be coming from Fairpoint Communications and that would not be a good thing.

A while ago Verizon decided it wanted to get out of the landline phone and internet business in Northern New England so they put the whole thing up for sale. Fairpoint Communications, Inc., a little company begun in 1991 with headquarters in friendly ol’ Charlotte, North Carolina was the winning bidder. Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont have been the losers.

We New Englanders are funny about our utilities. When we turn on the tap, we expect water. When we flip the light switch, we expect light. And when we pick up the phone, we expect a dial tone. Apparently that’s a higher level of service than Fairpoint thought they’d have to deliver.

There are all kinds of horror stories. People waiting weeks to get a phone line installed or assigned. No email service for weeks. Bills arriving after the due date and/or with incorrect amounts. Each time the harried public relations flack asks for patience while Fairpoint deals with the unexpected problem. They’re hiring more people, bringing in outside consultants, calling in the Marines, the Army and the Coast Guard.

Hey come on people. Did you not know that when you bought a phone and internet provider for over two billion dollars that you’d be expected to provide phone and internet service? And that your customers would expect it to be reliable?

There is a more than likely apocryphal story about two baseball managers. Bobby Bragan was fired as manager of the Cleveland Indians and replaced by Joe Gordon. When Joe took over the manager’s office he found a note from Bragan that said, “Inside the top desk drawer you will find two envelopes, marked #1 and #2. Open the one marked #1 when you reach your first crisis.”

Well the team perked up for the new manager and things were going along pretty well for a while, but it was still not a very good ball club and a mediocre baseball team will, like water, seek its own level. Soon the fans were booing Gordon, the talk shows were hammering him, the reporters were hounding him. It was getting to the crisis level so he opened the first envelope. The hand written note inside said simply, “Blame everything on me.”

Gordon called a press conference where he explained that the club he inherited from Bragan was riddled with problems. The line-up was all wrong, the pitching staff was screwed up, etc. Everything he could think of that was wrong he blamed on Bragan. He asked for patience while he sorted the mess out.

Well that quieted things down for a while. But after the passage of time and the making of a few trades the team wasn’t really any more talented than before and once again the team was losing and the sniping began again. When it rose to a crescendo Gordon decided it was his second crisis so he reached into the desk and opened envelope #2. He found another hand written note that said simply, “Prepare two more envelopes.”

Hey Fairpoint, I’d say it’s time to blame everything on Verizon.