Shovel Ready

I’m writing this on a Tuesday and on Wednesday it’s supposed to snow. Quite a bit as a matter of fact. Some say as much as a foot of new snow from this storm. This is a major inconvenience to many and most especially to me but you know what it isn’t? It isn’t news. This is New Hampshire. It’s January. It snows. I don’t much like it but I’m used to it. It doesn’t surprise me. It’s not really out of the ordinary. But it’s been the top story on the local T-V station’s newscasts since Sunday.
Now I understand that we all want to know when it’s going to snow and how much. That’s why there’s a weather segment in the 30 minutes of alleged news that we get here.
Once the snow comes intrepid reporters will be on the air live from several points around the state showing us where it’s snowing while telling us that state officials say we should stay off the road unless it’s absolutely necessary to travel.
So, essential travel includes talking hairdos criss-crossing the state to give us graphic proof that it is indeed snowing not just in our town but in cities and towns all over the state! Lately these people have taken to demonstrating to us what the snow looks like by throwing some at the camera when they’re giving us their (praise be to Jesus!!) LIVE REPORT on the conditions created by the snowfall. The only thing funnier is when they go for a (praise be to Jesus!!) LIVE REPORT on the conditions from the station parking lot. That’s modern broadcast technology at it’s most impressive.
I guess with the economy in the dumper and people in constant migration to new places to try to find work we could have a whole new crop of, say, Mississippians among us who’ve never seen snow before and have absolutely no idea what it is and how it affects things like driving and walking. If you’re one of those people from Mississippi whoever is reading this to you needs to stop now and tell you that it gets slippery outside when it snows. Same thing if it sleets. Even more so for freezing rain. Once you get that into your mind you’ll be fine.
The rest of us know it snows here. It has every winter that we’ve been on the planet and even with global warming it probably will for the rest of our lives. But it does make for good pictures and TV is all about that.
Then there’s the live shot from, well anywhere, that serves no point but to keep cameramen employed and reporters on the street. So let’s say the state legislature passed a major new law today. Tonight at 11 we’ll go (praise be to Jesus!!) LIVE to the State House for a report! Okay, but is there anybody AT the State House at 11 o’clock? Of course not. The legislators, the governor, the attorney general, the janitor and everybody else but the night watchman went home hours ago. But we get a (praise be to Jesus!!) LIVE REPORT because…ummm…because they can. And because “live at the State House” just sounds so friggin’ cool!
I’m all for full employment of cameramen, reporters and announcers (especially radio announcers) and I’m hoping there will be something along those lines in the stimulus package from the Obama administration. I know the programs that get funding have to be shovel ready but let me assure the voters and taxpayers of this great land of ours there is not a special interest group in America that is more shovel ready than those of us in the communications industry.
If we can do live reports from the front steps of empty office buildings and make people think that we’re doing something relevant then we are about as shovel ready as you can get.
Speaking of shovels, you better get yours ready. I hear it’s going to snow. In New Hampshire. In January. Good thing I watch the news, huh?