Not what they’re looking for

The other day I got a call from someone representing a Republican Senator from New Hampshire seeking my support in the Senator’s re-election campaign. Thanks to the blessed miracle of caller I-D I just stared at the answering machine while the nice man left a message. The election season is gearing up once again and even though we’re on the “no call list” politicians and pollsters can still have a field day with us because the list doesn’t apply to them.
But thanks to the blessed miracle of caller I-D we still don’t have to take their calls.
One of the advantages to living in the first in the nation primary state is that we get to have early input in the electoral process.
That’s the obverse side of the coin. The reverse side is a phone ringing 6 to 10 times each evening with somebody or other wanting to know if we’ve decided who to vote for and, if they’re a pollster, about 20-minutes of demographic information about our household.

Sometimes these calls are from a candidate or a particular party. You can spot them when they ask you carefully worded neutral questions like, “Do you support a strong, market-driven capitalist economy protected by the best trained, best equipped military on the planet or do you support those baby killing, tree hugging, pinko-commie-faggot-rat-bastards who are destroying the real America?” I usually hang up on them. Mostly though I save myself from any such travail because of the blessed miracle of caller I-D.

But now I’m toying with the idea of answering the next time the good senator’s supporters call. I would offer my support for his re-election on one condition. If the Senator will vote for a bill that would require that on January 21st, 2009 George W. Bush and Dick Cheney would be arrested and turned over to the Hague for trial on war crimes charges, I’ll vote for the guy.
My wife notes that since I’ve applied for a low level job with a local police agency, the F.B.I. investigation that would follow my requirement for my vote would probably hurt my chances of getting the job.
So I’m thinking I may go with a chicken-shit way out and try this approach.
If you can get the Senator to stop spouting nonsense about off-shore drilling as though it would do anything about the price of gasoline I might be willing to vote for him.

Somehow I still don’t think that’s what they’re looking for.